I can’t get no satisfaction

Okay. Truth be told, I am rather intimidated by living. I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of making my life count. What is my life purpose? I wonder. After almost a year of going with the flow and doing what I want, I do not feel any closer to knowing what I’m here to do or be. There are some lovely quotes to boost me, such as this one:  The dark moment of the caterpillar is the dawning of the butterfly. Or something like that. I can’t seem to find the exact quote. I’m wallowing in imperfection here. But I hope that this all has a purpose and that it won’t kill me but make me all the stronger, these trying times. These trials that are all in my mind. I have food, shelter, a super cute kitty, friends and family. So how is it I can not get my soul to sing? I wish I could relate to the lyrics of my favorite musical artist, Joan Armatrading, when she sings “I’ve got no broken wings, I’ve got a heart that sings, and I feel blessed.” A small voice inside me is saying, just have fun and stop weighing yourself down with this heavy crap! But it’s hard to be happy and have fun when you lose focus. Or is that also just a mind trap? What if each day, I just think of something I’d like to do and just do it and see what adventures unfold? Today, I wanna go forth and seek a possible gift for a loved one and perhaps make some money in the process. Doesn’t sound like a lot of excitement, but something I can get myself into. And that is what counts.

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