Wasted Life?

Perhaps it’s just that time of the month or that time of the year – my birthday and fall are both rapidly approaching and these times yield sentimental tendencies. But I’m thinking right now of regret. Not of things that I have done. But what I haven’t done or don’t have. Mostly that means children. I have never felt strongly enough to do everything in my power or in science’s power to make sure I was privileged to bring them into my life. I’ve never been sure I had what it takes to be a good parent – patience, focus, and selflessness. But when I look at the countless photos on Facebook of friends’ cute kids, I feel that sadness of “what if” creep in. If I had kids, I would have family, a feeling of belonging, attachment, and well-being. So what if day to day life is frustrating, tedious, and chaotic! You know in your hearts of hearts you are home. They have your heart, and you have theirs. Despite my sighs of remorse, I still don’t seem ready to make it happen. Perhaps there is still time or perhaps there is some other purpose for me in this life. It certainly is nice to have the freedom to only have to answer to myself (well and to my cat!). But ultimately it is a lonely existence. So how do I fill the void? I hope some answers float my way soon!

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