Today I turn 47. I’ve been preparing myself for months and months now, so I already have felt 47 for some time. What does the number mean to me? Well, that I’m closer to 50 than to 40 chronologically, but since I still feel like a kid at heart, it’s hard to comprehend the passage of time! And that might be a good thing. Because when I think too much about age, I think about how much time might still be left. How many good years I still have. If I am still able to attract attention and adoration. The kind of admiration I am thinking of seems based upon outer beauty and on youth. Now is a good time to start going deeper. To share what is eternal, which is my love, my enthusiasm, my curiosity, my sense of fun. And my vulnerability, my flaws, my imperfections! Because if I can accept that which is hard to accept, there is nothing I can’t do! Already today, I am presented with such lessons. I will be having a birthday bash tonight and I have a huge blemish on my face. Hah! I’m worried about what to feed my friends, although part of me tells me it really doesn’t matter. We will have fun no matter what’s on the table. The pressure to perform, to have people like me, I suppose is universal. I wish I didn’t have to feel so vulnerable! And yet, that is part of the human condition. If we were perfect, this life would be boring and pointless. Something a friend posted on FB the other day nails this idea down:
This is what I will focus on in the coming year. Being flawed and fabulous at the same time. And reaching out to the world in all its beauty and tarnishment. I love you all!