October 1, 2015

Happy October everyone! Yeah, I know, it’s getting cooler. Nice for some, like those who live in Florida, Louisiana or Mexico! Here in Canada it’s a bit nippy and windy and since I don’t have a winter coat (don’t ask), I’m a wee bit concerned…This day also marks the one month anniversary of my visit to Canada. Yup, I’ve been here a month already. And a lot has been happening! Or has it?

This Monday I started working out in the dance studio, which I got an all day rental, five days a week for a steal. So I’ve been going there every day. It’s been a challenge, because I realize how much work I have cut out for myself AND the aches and tiredness indicates just how out of shape I am. At the same time, I feel stuck with my first draft. Yes, I continue to go to the library after the studio. Yet, when I look over my draft, it seems rather pedantic – like a Tedx lecture (sorry, fans!) – and not terribly enlightening or even entertaining. Where do I go from here! Argh!!! But I can’t give up – I have a theatre booked AND, for my own self, I just NEED to follow through, somehow.

I start out my days in the studio with 45 minutes of pilates. Then, since there are meditation cushions available, I take one, and sit for as long as I can stand (ha ha) it. I’ve seen white light, had my body rotate and my head explode – just kidding! – and this has somewhat helped.  But today, I got a message that seemed most fitting: It was to accept what is. Here I am getting all worked up about not being fit enough, not being a great dancer, not having a great script, what am I gonna do? When really, all answers in my life are pointing to acceptance. Accepting myself. Not an easy proposition. But then again, the alternative no longer seems interesting. I am tired of getting all tense, worried, anxious about what currently is. And who knows. If I continue to work with what is, I might get to a new what is that is fantastic! Following me here? So from now on, I will continue to tell myself, “accept what is, where I am, who I am,” and that will have to be enough.

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