In Darkness’ Spell

It’s a lovely fall day here in Hamilton, Ontario. But right now I’m only enjoying it from a library window. I have so much resistance towards moving forward, with my script, my preparations for my show. I feel lost and stuck. What is it that I really have to say, anyway? What do I really know that is profound and impacting? I’m a hot mess as the kids call it. (Ha ha). So my humor hasn’t completely abandoned me. I want to keep it light and fun, because I know that’s a huge part of me, but I am overwhelmed by expectations, such as the ones above, to be profound, wise, and witty. I feel this passion but when I go to express it, it doesn’t come out all nice and glossy, like all the music videos out there. How is it that there are very little models out there about how to be mediocre…and still be okay?! A good friend would often say of her college papers, “It ain’t good, but it’s done.” In that statement seemed to be some kind of recognition as well as resignation, that okay, I fell short of my goal, but at least I met the minimum requirement. I wonder if we set ourselves up with all these presumptions of what life is supposed to be, of what success looks like. My desire is to produce a show that will have a positive impact on others but also be fun for me to do. I want to show my passion, enthusiasm, soul. But what I’ve got just seems to be boring!!! How to get the spice back? That is the key! I will look for little clues. If you have any hints, I would welcome them too. Happy day to you!

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