Look Back to See the Future

Happy New Year a month late! I trust your year has been off to a good start? Have you already forgotten about the past one? I felt it was important to reflect for a moment to see what got me to where I am today. Right now, I am sitting cross-legged next to my kitty, Isabella, who is curled up in a ball in a cluttered but cozy room in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. How did I get here? Hmmm, let’s look back.

Last year, I struggled with where I was and felt strongly that it was time to make a change. First I concentrated on finding a means to live where I was, in the Capital Region of New York. I applied for jobs, and took on a few odd ones. But I found it impossible, somehow, to commit to anything long term. This told me I was reluctant to stay in the area any longer. To bring this fully home, I had a phone interview for a dream job just a week before I was to move but somehow, I just couldn’t make it fit into my life. And well, it didn’t seem to fully want me either.

The second part of the year, I focused on relationships. I wrote and then performed in a show, Love You So Much, that was all about love and my interactions with others. It was necessary for me to process those important feelings  and legitimize them by sharing them with the public. While I wrote the show, I stayed with my very good friend, Jamal, with whom I have a complicated relationship. I became aware there, as well as while visiting my father, and then the rest of my family down South, what triggered upsets for me. And I learned a lot, first and foremost, not to take things so personally, and that everyone has their own life to live, which doesn’t mean that if I am not like the others, I am unlovable.

So this is where I am starting from. And going forward, I choose to believe that I am lovable and deserving of whatever I long and wish for, no matter how crazy or far flung the dreams may be. And I do have the means to get there. How about you?

 

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